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May and June are always slack blogging months for me. Tamsin's birthday is middle of May, and Sasha's middle of June, so all the party planning, present buying and wrapping and cake making takes over for a while. Throw a few classmates parties and half term into the mix to keep me on my toes and it ends up as general chaos (no different from usual then...!).

On top of that, it's my birthday 2 days after Sasha's, and this year's happens to be a 'BIG' one, so we also slotted in a lovely little trip away as a couple to the Big Apple - oh, didn't I mention that already?! Must post on the blog separately all about that soon. Here's a pic or two just to keep you going though:

Manhattan sunset from Brooklyn

Not being evacuated from our hotel....

Seeing as I will be attending the big blogging conference Britmums Live! in just over two weeks, I thought I really should try and fit a couple more updates in before, or else everyone may wonder why on earth I am there (call yourself a blogger? huh!).

'Mummy I love you so much' were the last words I heard from Sasha tonight as I cuddled her whilst she tried to get off to sleep. She had been lying very quietly in our bed for over an hour trying to drop off, but obviously need the 'hand cuddle' to finally go (she insists on my arm being over her body and her grasping my hand in a certain way). Me lying next to her on the bed has sadly become part of the routine, and part of me looks back longingly for those days where I could just give her a kiss then walk away and close the door, knowing she wouldn't try and get up. On the other hand, there is nothing nicer than taking a break, lying down next to your child, and watching their gorgeous faces as they slowly succumb to the wonders of sleep.

Life is still up and down with Sasha - from her amazing good humour about mummy and daddy going away, followed by 4 days of brilliant behaviour for Nana and Bampi who were doing the school run (and everything before and after!), to the last day of school before our half term break where the dressing-up and Jubilee theme, along with a change of routine, really threw her and has led to some more controlling behaviour since. We managed a fantastic day out at Peppa Pig World (oink!) where she was extremely happy - but not at the point where mummy wanted to go on a 'big' ride with Tamsin.

We've been doing regular swimming lessons for the past 6 weeks, where mummy (or daddy or Nana) gets to be in the pool with Sasha for a lesson while Tamsin has her lesson up the other end of the same pool. Tamsin has been doing fantastically well, but the jury is still out on whether it's really a hit for Sasha or not. As with everything, if she's in the right mood she will participate, but usually only for a limited amount of time. Fortunately she has always been a water baby, so is fairly confident in the pool, but that was previously with arm bands. I feel the step towards moving away from being able to stand on the bottom is now a rather large on, and I'm not sure how, or if, we'll achieve that. Still, no rush. Everything at Sasha's pace is usually the name of the game, and bless her she does get there in the end. In a way, it makes her achievements all the more special for me as I can see how much more of a struggle it has been for her.

Anyhow before I waffle on too much, I just thought I'd wish everyone a 'Happy Jubilee' and leave you waiting with bated breath for the next instalment... 

Japanese Best Friend Dolls Review

We were very excited when this box was handed over recently by our ever-overloaded-but-always-cheerful Postie.

Paint Your Own Japanese Best Friend Dolls is, happily, exactly what it says on the box.

It is aimed at girls aged 8 plus and this product allows girls to make and decorate their own Japanese ‘Kokeshi’ Doll. Kokeshi is an enchanting Japanese tradition whereby you hand paint dolls to give to friends. This product is great for creative girls who like to give gifts that their friends will love and treasure forever. You can even write a secret message to store in the base!

The contents are: 3 wooden doll blanks, 4 pom poms, set of 5 acrylic paints, paint brush, face and dress stickers, double sided sticky tape, greeting cards, secret message slips and thread.

Also included are step-by-step instructions, which proved most useful for daddy who had unusually found himself in charge of the quality crafting time.

Tamsin has just had her 7th birthday, and I'd say she did find it a little tricky and certainly needed help with it. The dolls need about 4 coats of paint, so having to wait inbetween for them to dry is a little time-consuming. She loved the idea of the dolls though, and has written lovely secret messages to go in them. Stickers for the faces and dresses are a great idea.

Our finished dolls:

Makes a lovely gift or an activity for your own child - the retail price is around £10 which is great value for money.

Disclosure: 
We were sent the above toy for the purpose of this review, but have not received payment. All the views expressed here are our own.

Shoulder Buddies review.

Tamsin was very excited when the latest 'Shoulder Buddies' collectible toy arrived in the post.

Right up her street, it's a small plastic toy with supersoft long hair which can be styled in all sorts of different ways. Her version is called Stormy and is red with black hair, but there are 8 different versions, including a super pink one for all those girlie girls!

There is a website to link to: www.shoulderbuddies.com where you can view all the other items in the range. Each one is supposed to come with different 'SMART' tips for children - so Stormy supposedly has tips on how to stay safe in stormy weather.... not sure if that was in the packaging but I haven't seen them myself and they're not listed on the website, so can't really share what they are I'm afraid! First top tip I can give you is to be there when the toy packaging is opened so you know exactly what is inside.... (can you tell I was doing the laundry?!). 

The idea is that these little 'friends' can sit on your shoulder (OK, so maybe not all day long, not really sure the teachers would go for it...) by using the little magnetic disk to sit underneath the clothes and the toy then magically 'attaches' on top.

In all honesty, the magnetic disk was lost on day 2, and was probably thrown out by an obsessively tidy husband who had no idea what its purpose was, not having seen the toy in the first place. Tamsin managed to improvise with a fridge magnet anyhow, and made Stormy sit in her pocket on her chest rather than her shoulder!

That said, it doesn't really affect the appeal of the toy. It's more about the fact that they are collectible and cute. From a parent's perspective, they don't take up much space so I'm all for that...! They retail at around £5.99 so good price point for gifting.

Disclosure: 
We were sent the above toy for the purpose of this review, but have not received payment. All the views expressed here are our own.

To laugh or cry - Autism and siblings issues

I found this in Tamsin's book bag this week. 

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so I did a bit of both.

In case you can't quite read it, it says (literally):

Plees raiz money 1p

for sasha and Artisam

at Tamsincurtis\curtis2\

stephcurtis.www.com

Must have a word with that girl about her spellings.

Joking aside, I found it very poignant, and it's highlighted what I've been most worried about for some time now.

Sasha (our younger, ASD girl) is actually ticking along fine, bit behind in her reading and writing maybe, but for now she's happy, she doesn't have a care in the world.

Tamsin (2 years older sister) on the other hand, seems to be carrying the weight of 'Artisam' (Autism) on her shoulders. I felt bad because she had vaguely mentioned something about this, about asking her classmates for 1p, a week or so ago, and I'd probably smiled and brushed her off a bit whilst saying it wasn't really the done thing. She's not mentioned it again at home, but has obviously spent time at school thinking about this and writing/drawing a picture. The girl on the left is shouting; the girl on the right is crying.

As we have a lot going on right now (parties and birthdays coming up in triplicate!!), I didn't mention this to her after I found it. I really want to, to try and understand her feelings, but more to the point to help her feel like she is understood. To tell her that we care, so much.

It is a tougher life for siblings of children with Special Needs. They can't play with their brothers or sisters in the same way other children can. Their parents probably get more upset than usual if they are not nice to their siblings, say the wrong thing or set the wrong example which could be copied for years. They may have to leave places early if the sibling can't cope with it any more, or not be taken out so much in the first place. They might be embarrassed by other people staring at their sibling, or by their sibling not caring that their behaviour is different and not 'the norm'.

Tamsin has blurted out a few times over the last 6 months things like 'I wish I had a normal sister' and 'I wish I could have a sister who doesn't have autism'. Although I'm sure Tamsin loves her little sister, I do find it difficult not to get upset when I hear that. I just have to remember how difficult Sasha can be though, and how confusing it must be for Tamsin to not really understand why Sasha acts the way she does

I've been worried about this for a while now. I've asked for help from various different sources but nothing has really come back. Sibs support groups seem to start from when the siblings are a bit older, but I think as this sheet shows, it's on Tamsin's mind now, all the time. She can't get away from it. I'm extremely nervous that this can lead to more worrying mental issues, but even as I write that I know many people will think I'm over-reacting.

What I think Tamsin needs is someone outside of the family to talk to about all of this. But where to go? Any offers?! How do we bring it up anyway?

HABA Review Horse Sissi and Horse Show playset

My two girls were both extremely delighted with the latest gorgeous HABA product we were sent to review.

Horse Sissi is a beautiful soft toy in white velour, with a supersoft pink chenille mane and tail. She has grey corduroy hooves which she stands up well on, and is about 25cm tall. 

We also received the Horse Show Set, which includes two fences for jumping over, a rosette, a horse blanket and a feeding bucket.

Both girls excitedly took turns in setting up the jumps and making the horse run the course, and a whole role-play session followed which lasted much longer than most! There are dolls in the HABA range which co-ordinate with their horses; at our house other dolls were introduced which also worked well. The girls have gone back to play with this horse and show set time and time again, which is always a good sign.

HABA products really are exceptionally well made, quality toys which will stand the test of time. Their pricing reflects this (Sissi horse retails around £25 and Show Set £30), but I do know that any young child would be delighted to receive these items as a gift.

Disclosure: 
We were sent the above toys for the purpose of this review, but have not received payment. All the views expressed here are our own.

BritMums Live! What was I thinking?!

I'm excited. But I'm also nervous. And a teeny bit anxious.

Britmums Live! My first ever blogging conference. In less than 2 months time. What have I done? What have I signed myself up for? Will there be enough tea and cake?

It's true, that's what I'm really thinking. I've just watched the lovely video by the ever-so-friendly butterflies (see here), and all I can think of is that there aren't enough of them to go round, and no doubt I'll be at the back of the queue, and they'll all have flitted off helping others by the time I get to the front. Herrumph. Oh well, as long as they leave the cake behind I guess I'll cope.

I'm not really a big-time blogger. More like a small-fry actually. No awards or even nominations for little old me. I'm still at that stage where I'm not sure if I want to be big. A pat on the back and the acceptance which comes with awards and recognition generally would of course be lovely. Blog comments are the best thing in the world - I don't think I'd ever have enough of knowing that people are out there reading and actually listening to what I have to say. I just don't really have the confidence to promote myself. I'm still a shy little girl; I don't know if you ever grow out of it. 

I started my blog for personal reasons, a diary for me and for my family to explain what was going on in our lives once we found out we had joined the 'Special Needs' community. I doubt I'd have ever started blogging if it wasn't for that - it's not as if I'd had time to twiddle my thumbs since giving birth the first time.

So in a way it feels right to me to keep it small, and personal - not that you can really call that worldwide web t'internet thingy personal. On the other hand I've always been an honest and open type of person, and I feel the need to share for both my sake and for the sake of understanding - spreading the word about autism is what I hope for. Maybe it'll get bigger, in time.

So anyhow, back to Britmums Live. What can I expect? By the sounds of it, lots of other 'novices' who would also like to meet people. What happens if they're all talking to each other when I get there? What on earth am I going to wear? Is my self-esteem really this low?!

I'm wondering now why I signed up in the first place.... oh yes, I remember, first and foremost it was to meet my old school chum who I've not seen for 29 years (cripes!), and then it was to hear some amazing ladies speak, and to learn anything from those other established bloggers on the list whose words I love reading. Maybe I won't be doing that much talking after all......

Octopus into a string bag....

Non-bloggers look away now. Just for a second, mind, then come straight back.

You know when you're lying down next to your child on the bed, in the early (ish) evening, in the faint hope they will go to sleep before you do, and you have a great blog post about something very profound and interesting running through your head? Yep, that. It's gone. Maybe never to return.

Ho hum. Instead I'm afraid I'm going to offload about the slightly stressy week so far (although really I should be doing a toy review but ssshh! don't tell anyone...).

OK, non-bloggers back with me?! Monday started off in not such a good way as Sasha cried out (very loudly, I did wonder how long she'd been crying before we heard her, whoops...) at around 2.11 am (see how I've noted the exact time and not exaggerated in the slightest?). Lucky me, Daddy jumped out of bed for once and went to see what was up. 

Apparently only Mummy would do. Sigh.

Sasha was wide awake, therefore I was wide awake. Until 3.33 am (yes, that is the exact time I got back into my own bed, somewhat chillier than when I had left it - oh and now wide awake of course).

Anyhow sleep was amazingly then resumed, if only for a short while, and the day started as normal. That is to say, Mummy tried to snatch a spoonful or so of cereal in between fetching several bits of breakfast food for Sasha to eat and berating Tamsin (as usual) for not wanting to eat any breakfast.

Then we left for school and en route, Sasha demanded that someone else collect her that day. See, it's OK if the routine is changed by her almightyness, as and when she chooses, just not good if we have cause to (so obviously I never do).

Luckily we bumped into our good friends who live very near school, and the SAHD (Stay-At-Home-Dad for you non-bloggers) very kindly agreed they would be able to collect Sasha and take her back for a little play after school. Amazingly this would have (notice the tense) worked very well that day as Tamsin was staying at school an hour longer for the dance club, therefore Mummy *should* have got another hour at home (to catch up on that missing sleep) so big smiles all round.

At 3.30pm (school finishes at 3.05 for reception...) I got a call from said SAHD to say that Sasha was not agreeing to go home with him - in fact she was point blank refusing in a very upset kind of way. Sigh. Not his fault at all - apparently, to cut a long story short, the meltdown was all about the class bear, which his daughter had had the night before and which Sasha had obviously thought she was then going to get. However there was a rota, and it wasn't Sasha's turn. Although I don't know for a fact, I do have an inkling that there's a chance one of the children told Sasha she could have the bear next, and therefore she took their word as gospel. Hmm.

In this case, unusually, Sasha was actually acting 'normally' - i.e. like a spoilt brat over not being able to get her own way. It's the extreme reaction that is different. I think several people have now come to realise how difficult it is to get Sasha to do something she doesn't want to when she's upset. On the plus side, I'm hoping not everyone thinks it's just me being a walkover mum any more.

Today we had one of Sasha's classmates back for a 'playdate'. Ah, that word has so much more meaning to it now as opposed to the happy occasions for Tamsin. There's a lot more to think about. As it happens, today was not a good day either. At least, it was, but only up until we got back to the car. At that point I asked Sasha to sit in the back with her friend, and Tamsin to go in the front. Sasha was not happy with that. Reasoning with her made no difference, she was adamant she should be sitting in the front. I tried everything from tough talking through to quietly explaining through to chocolate bribery, but she was not having any of it. She refused to get in the car and wailed as she sat on the wall outside. Lucky how I had parked right outside the school gates in full view of everyone, eh?!

I felt terrible as I told her I would leave without her (as if!), and she did actually cry a bit harder ( bad mummy) but still refused to get in the car.

Then followed one of those scenes that happen frequently... if you have a 2-3 year old toddler that is. It's otherwise known as 'Trying to get an octopus into a string bag' (very famous pre-baby instruction sheet - google it if you'd like a laugh ) .

This was 20 minutes down the line so fortunately there was no longer anyone around to watch. It involved swiftly moving to grab her like a baby then trying to stuff her in the car. Mistake was, I had left an arm free. All bets were off, but then all of a sudden I had a break (not hers) as her arm relaxed a bit and into the car I bundled her. She was not happy, but amazingly chose not to try and get out of the car seat (surely the 'switched on' option??!) and instead sat and wailed very loudly all the way home. I tried to continue a conversation about a lovely day at school with Tamsin and the rather bemused playdate, expecting them to ignore and talk over the extremely loud noise. Fortunately this tactic worked, and by the time we reached home Sasha had calmed down enough to do her own thing... not much of a playdate for her class mate, so thank goodness for older sisters

So more 'spoilt' behaviour? Or just the need to be in control? Another playdate looms tomorrow - the question is, do I let her sit in the front seat this time or not?!

Me or Mum-Me?

'Muh-meeeee'. It has to win the award for most over-used word these holidays. I love it and kind of dislike it a bit at the same time.

We've had a lovely time over the holidays, but I'll have to admit to wanting tomorrow morning to come - and go - without a hitch. Back to School day. Sasha still has a cough and is already saying she's too poorly to go, but I'm really hoping her curiosity and love for her teacher will swing it in the morning. I need them to go! The time to think and work seriously (whether through the in-tray or the laundry pile) in long chunks of time is something lacking in life with young children.

Recently as I settled the girls off to sleep with cuddles, it suddenly hit me how they are my life, almost my whole reason for being. I can't believe it's taken me nearly 7 years to realise that I have changed. I'm not 'me' any more, I'm now mum, or 'mum-me'. I don't actually think those two words should be mutually exclusive, but I do feel like somewhere along the way, as the grey hairs have developed, 'me' and 'mum-me' have grown further apart.

It's been a fairly tough ride, but a hugely rewarding one. Then again I'm sure all mothers would say that. I filled in a questionnaire a while ago for the Carers organisation - that's what I'm classed as now, a full-time carer to a disabled person. I'd probably agree with you that that's a bit over the top; Sasha has her challenging times for sure but she's also incredibly polite, tries to be independent in some ways and is full of life and fun. Carers informed me that the results showed my emotional well-being was slightly under average. Not sure I should analyse that for long, else it'll probably slip even further down.....!

So this year, as I am about to turn the big 4-0, I think it's only fair that I should try and find 'me' again. Blogging helps, as it is often a source of inspiration; ideas of new things to try and new ways of thinking. It also provides a lot of advice and support when you need it most, and a way to get things off your chest - 'Blogerapy' maybe?! As plenty of mums and teachers have said before me, a problem shared is a problem halved, and I definitely believe that's true.

So I'm going to stop feeling guilty about the 'me' time I've arranged, which amazingly already includes two trips in an aeroplane without the girls. It also includes two pop concerts without the girls, and the concert already enjoyed with my first-born which will probably go down as my favourite this year as I enjoyed it through her. I'm going to meet up as much as possible with girlie friends old and new, whether that's for coffee, afternoon tea, shopping or drinking - or all of that together. And last but not least, I'm going to try and give Mr C some of the credit back for being a great Dad and long-suffering husband.

Happy Summer term everyone!

Listography: Top 5 albums by a male solo artist

Gutted as I just wrote this post once and it was totally lost/eaten up by the big bad blogging machine. Anyhow it was so good that I will have to do it again.

When I saw the list on the fab Typecast's blog I just wanted to jump straight in. The idea is to name your Top 5 Albums by a male solo artist (the clue is in the title really...).To reminisce some more, check out the others at Kate Takes 5's blog.

This could have been a toughie for me; as most people will know, I'm actually the world's biggest boy band fan (and yes I am pushing my eldest daughter down that route, 1D tickets in the bag for next year  ). However I'm happy with the end result and conclude that you can't ignore a good bit of male solo either.

1. Billy Joel - An Innocent Man

 

My first ever album, which is the only reason it's number 1 instead of 2 (I do still love it though!). I actually have this on cassette still!

2. Bryan Adams - Reckless

 

Now I know a lot of people will be shaking their heads at this, but it was only 'Everything I Do' hogging the number 1 spot for so long that annoyed people so much they fell out of love with him. Not me though. These songs stills end shivers down my spine. I have also been known to say that if I could only ever attend one more concert in my life, it would have to be a Bryan Adams one - and that's a big call from a HUGE Take That fan!

3. Michael Jackson - Bad

 

Another early one for me and an album that reminds me of my youth.

4. Stevie Wonder - The Definitive Collection

 

Can't beat a bit of soul. An amazing genius.

5. Robbie Williams - Sing When You're Winning

 

OK so I'm cheating a bit here as I was desperate to get the boy band thing in.... Gotta love Robbie. Unless you're my best friend who loves Gary that is....

Anyhow hope you enjoyed the list. I'm off to pop a record on... oh no, wait! I can just flick a switch on my computer. The wonders of modern technology!