Our polite, sociable autistic girl makes a new friend......

'Why don't we build the puzzle using the three special steps?' were Sasha's opening words to a little girl in the waiting room who was happily playing with a puzzle on the floor by herself. Of course I knew that Sasha was referring to Special Agent Oso, but I'm not sure the girl was - maybe Oso is common 5 year old language these days though. 'First we have to sort the pieces - into flat outside and corner pieces, and inside pieces. Then we have to build the outside, then we fill in the inside'.

All sounded very logical and straight forward to me. I had warned Sasha as she jumped up to go and 'help' the girl that she should be good and not try and take charge. I was pleasantly surprised with her friendly, if somewhat 'Oso-fied' approach.

Luckily the little girl was receptive to this sudden interruption and to being helped in a bossy sort of way. Sasha set about helping the girl sort the pieces as suggested.

'I'd like to have a puzzle like that' said Sasha, 'would you like to give it to me for my birthday?'.
Thankfully, bearing in mind this girl had never set eyes on Sasha before today, she did reply positively and assured Sasha she would ask her Nan.

Sasha does have a sociable and friendly way about her. She somehow knows how to be polite - as I think I've mentioned before, I rarely have to remind her to say please and thank you. Let's hope it carries on into her teenage years! It's really difficult to explain, but it's almost as if, despite not understanding why she has to do it, she just senses that social niceties are the right way to go about things. If I'm honest, I think she's probably picked a lot of that up from Dora and Oso, so all praise them!

I watched furtively from a distance as the two girls worked really well together. I could tell that Sasha was trying really hard not to take over and be in control, and it was really lovely to see their heads together as they chatted away.

After a good ten minutes Sasha returned to me, with a grin on her face. 'Mummy was I being a good girl?' she asked with a grin. 'Yes, you were brilliant darling' I replied. Her response?

'So can we go to the chip shop now then?'

Aquarelle Watercolour Paint Set Review - Superb!

Recently we were sent a fantastic new product to review - the Aquarelle Watercolour painting set by Ravensburger.

Inside the box were three different fairy pictures on watercolour card, a double-ended paintbrush, five mini bottles of paint, a mixing/palette tray and a pipette for the water. Also included was an instruction book which gave great detail about watercolour painting.

The pictures have special water repellent outlines on them which meant it was very easy to colour in small details, and the finished result was amazing. Tamsin absolutely loved this product and took great care with it. 

The box suggests it's aimed at girls aged 8-13, but I think it'd be fine for younger ones too (they'd probably just need watching with squeezing the paint drops out!).Also available in horses and dolphins designs, and I even think that boys may like the Safari version!

These retail at £9.99 which I think is a great price point for a gift - and I'm very tempted to try the slightly larger World Cities version myself!

Disclosure: 
We were sent the above product for the purpose of this review, but have not received payment. All the views expressed here are our own.

PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome) Awareness Day - do you know anyone like this?!

There's a fantastic new resource which has been released this week which I'd love you all to take a look at (my blog is even included on it, lucky me!) www.thepdaresource.com 

May 15th is PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) Awareness Day. I know, I know, there's loads of these 'awareness' days around just now, right? Well this one is the one closest to my heart, so read on if you care just a little...

Sasha got her diagnosis of autism aged 2 and a half. I blogged about that in my first few posts. Even back then, I didn't feel it fitted exactly. Sure it explained a lot, but there were certain traits of autism which Sasha didn't really show. She had delayed speech, and delayed 'playing' compared to Tamsin. Most things, such as role play, she did eventually do, but probably about 6 months later than Tamsin had. I joined a group of parents who all had girls with high-functioning autism, and as they described their girls, there was a lot that didn't resonate with me. I initially assumed it must be because Sasha wasn't high-functioning, and yet she was (and is) very bright - numbers and foreign languages were a speciality at a young age.

So after our diagnosis I did more research. I think all parents of Special Needs children carry on with the research and the learning - to us it's important to find out any new ways which we can help our children. I came across the definition of PDA, and I could tick virtually every point when thinking about Sasha.

According to the NAS (National Autistic Society) website, the main features of children with PDA are:

• obsessively resisting ordinary demands
• appearing sociable on the surface but lacking depth in their understanding (often recognised by parents early on)
• excessive mood swings, often switching suddenly
• comfortable (sometimes to an extreme extent) in role play and pretending
• language delay, seemingly as a result of passivity, but often with a good degree of 'catch-up'
• obsessive behaviour, often focused on people rather than things.

You can read about this in a bit more detail (but nice simple language!) by clicking here. The bit that resonates most with me is:

 'People with PDA are often very sociable and can display degrees of empathy previously not thought to be consistent with autism. Sometimes it seems that they are able to understand other people at an intellectual level but not at an emotional one. However, despite their use of social niceties, their social interaction is very often flawed by their inability to see the bigger picture, their lack of boundaries and their desire to be in control of the situation. They often understand rules but don't feel they apply to themselves. As children, this can lead to playground peer group difficulties. One parent described how "to other children he will happily act as if he was their mother - 'have you washed your hands' or 'don't put your elbows on the table' - but he doesn't have a sense of needing to follow the same rules."'

The main issue for Sasha and us is always control. Sasha has a need to have things exactly as she wants them - and there's not always a logical reason for what she wants. Some of it can be explained with autistic traits, such as liking routine, or sensory issues (when she absolutely would not wear socks - for a whole year!), but at other times it's driven purely by the need for control. Her choice of music in the car, or wanting her sister to sleep in the same room as her, or having chocolate for breakfast - yes, we've given in to all of these demands. Simply because we had to.

It's really difficult to describe, and I am very aware of how it sounds as if Sasha is just being selfish, or naughty, but I can assure you that she is not. It's as if her will is being driven by something entirely different to our other daughter. It may sound odd, but I know I can always make Tamsin do anything we want her to - she will react to reward systems, or bribery, and she just knows and accepts that we are in charge. Sasha does not understand this. She shows virtually no respect for anyone in authority, but not in a rude or intentional way. If she has decided she is not going to go out, you really cannot make her. It was quite an isolating experience when she was younger - leaving the house to go anywhere other than swimming or Willows became virtually impossible, and toddler groups were a definite no-go, as she just was not prepared to follow rules.

Of course, if I had to leave the house for an urgent issue but Sasha didn't want to, such as to get Tamsin to hospital, then I do know I would be able to, even if it meant finding a physical strength I've never used before. There's not much point doing that to just go shopping for example, as the ensuing meltdown would most definitely ensure you didn't get any shopping done.

It's like permanently walking on eggshells. We've learnt how to manage that now, so it almost becomes second nature - but it does mean that Sasha is generally the one in control. A recent description of her agreed - 'Sasha has subtle control most of the time'. I tend not to make fixed plans as I'm never quite sure what mood Sasha will be in on any given day. We need a purpose and Sasha's agreement for a day out - a general meeting in the park could work, but we'd most likely only be there for 10 minutes before Sasha decides she's off. And once she has decided, there is no changing her mind.

Next month we have an appointment with a specialist team for children with high-functioning autism at GOSH (Great Ormond Street Hospital). I've asked for this extra in-depth referral and assessment not because we don't feel Sasha has autism (she does), but because we feel so many of the PDA characteristics can be applied to her. The main reason for asking for a more expert opinion is because the strategies needed to teach and encourage and develop children with PDA are so different to those used for children with 'just autism' - for example, routine and visual timetables help, but so does changing them and going with the flow (Sasha's flow, that is!!). It's important to be flexible and understanding with Sasha - personal relationships are so key. 

I am already bracing myself for the fact we may not end up with a PDA diagnosis for Sasha, as I know from PDA support groups that Sasha is in no way extreme and we are very lucky indeed that she is actually so happy and loving and curious. We don't experience extreme violence from her - but then maybe that is because we have got so good at managing our lives around her?! I have been strangely relieved to read other blogs featuring children like Sasha - a brilliant one I would recommend is Pathological Demand Avoidance an autistic spectrum disorder.

If you've got this far, thanks for reading. Life is definitely not all bad, but it would help Sasha if more people knew about, and could try to understand this condition, so please do share.

Do you think it's acceptable to put disabled children down like lambs?

I've had something on my mind for a few weeks now, on and off. Today I just haven't been able to shake it at all. It's not pleasant, and it is difficult not to get really upset or really irate about it, but I'm far too tired for either right now.

Hayley, mum to Natty, a gorgeous model with Downs Syndrome, has blogged about it more eloquently than I can over at Downs Side Up. Please read her blog for fuller details (and very cute pictures of Natty!), but in summary I can tell you that there is a Councillor in Cornwall called Colin Brewer, who has actually said that he believes there is a good argument for killing some disabled babies.

Yes, really. It beggars belief (if you'll pardon the phrase. A bit like 'gets my goat' which was in one of Tamsin's books tonight and I confessed I'd have to google to find out where the saying came from and why!). He followed it up with other stupidities in his interview which you can read here.

How can a man like this hold any position of authority? Sadly the truth is that he was voted back in. That means that there are others who don't believe there was anything wrong in what he said. Some of them probably think it was just a 'slip of the tongue', but more worrying are the others out there who actually do agree with him.

As mother of a disabled child (for although it is hidden, autism is still a disability, an 'inability' to lead a 'normal' life), I am more than saddened by this. I'm shocked, horrified and actually scared for Sasha's future. Right now, and hopefully for at least the next few years, we are surrounded by lovely, caring friends and family who provide Sasha with lots of love and support. It's possibly the case that there are those on the outskirts at school who are not so accepting, but honestly I've not heard of any yet. If there are, then I consider it my job to spread understanding and help them appreciate differences.

As Sasha grows older, we do hope she will become independent - but that brings extra worry, as it does for any child of course. We know already that Sasha is far more likely to become a target for bullying than your 'average' child. That will be from immature children though, who we can hopefully do something about. How do we manage bigots like this man?

The first step in my opinion, is to ensure he does not remain in office. He should be publicly stripped of any power, and held up as a terrible and UNACCEPTABLE example. For this, we need your help. People power is needed, and I'd like you please to comment on my post or Hayley's and share our posts and tweets as much as you can. Please help me make the future a safer one for my daughter - for all our children.

Sasha, thankfully, is too young to understand any of this yet. But there are plenty of older children with disabilities who may well have read of heard of these comments - how do you think they feel?

Just in case any new readers have popped by, I can tell you that Sasha is our 5 (soon-to-be-6) year old daughter who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 and a half. She is charming, funny, polite, caring, loving, cheerful, curious, energetic, entertaining and determined, and we most definitely are glad of her existence in this world.

Swimming. With smiles and giggles. But how to move on?

I had a big smile on my face as I watched Sasha in her swimming lesson today. Largely because she was enjoying it so much. For the first time since she started over a year ago Sasha made a friend, a boy who was happy to chat and swim alongside her. It was lovely to see her interacting with another child close to her own age. They were laughing and racing each other to the other side of the pool.

I still couldn't relax though; I knew how close it was to all going wrong. If the little boy had said the wrong thing to her, or if he had managed to beat her to the other side, the game could have been up. Half way through the last width she did in fact stop as if she had decided that was enough. Luckily the teacher chose that exact moment to declare it was 'horsey' time (where they sit on the foam woggles) and off she went again, happy to do her favourite fun swim activity.

There were two new helpers in the pool today with the teacher. That's another reason for nail biting as far as I'm concerned. Sasha is so dependant on having a good relationship with anyone who wants to persuade her to follow their direction. They need to let her take the lead, and let her decide what she is going to do and when. Kind of counter-intuitive for a teacher, I guess. The young male teacher tried his best to get Sasha to comply, with a smile on his face, but she was not taking that from a 'newbie' and was on the verge of leaving the pool, until her main teacher whooshed over to save the day and laugh Sasha out of her impending tantrum. Phew, I relaxed again, for a millisecond. Sasha was in a cheeky mood today. Instead of joining in the circle time, when the children were floating on their backs, Sasha decided to be the centre of the circle, kick-splashing the teacher as much as she could. Had she been made to stop, it could have been the end of the lesson for her. She was definitely testing the boundaries, and I was tempted to watch through my fingers.

She started her swimming lessons, and in fact continued, for a fair few months with me in the pool with her. Can you imagine how awkward that was, to be the only non-teaching adult standing waist deep in the water? Not to mention cold... She refused to do the bits of the lesson she didn't enjoy (such as putting her face in the water, or actually trying to take her legs off the bottom of the pool). However we persevered, and she now accepts that I no longer get in the pool. Before we got to this point, I'll admit that I did wonder a few hundred times whether it was worth continuing with the lessons.

She has progressed so much now, thanks to the patience of the swim teacher. The difficult bit, as always, will be the next transition. How do we move her away from the teacher she is comfortable with, on to the deeper part of the pool where she can't stand up, where she would be out of her comfort zone?

The truth us, we can try, but in all honesty if she doesn't like it, she simply won't do it and we could be back to square one. We'll have to give it a go soon though - Sasha is by far the oldest in her class and I think a 6 year old in with the 3-4 year olds might be stretching the teacher a bit too much...!

After the lesson we retired to the changing rooms, where for the third week running Sasha found herself opposite a young boy getting changed. Sticking her hand out pointing, she laughed out loud. 'Ha ha ha mummy, look at that wiggly thing!'. Cue head down and a few whispers from me, amidst thoughts on what book I can now buy to explain the human body and male/female differences to her - but she followed up with questions about what she has, if it's not a willie?! What do you call a girl's not exactly comparable equivalent?! Answers on a postcard (or in the comments) please! 

I just hope that all the poor boys Sasha encounters in the meantime are not scarred for life.....

Moshi Monsters 5th Birthday Party at Moshi HQ

So. Long time no post, and I'm definitely missing my blog! The run up to May and June are always mega busy for me though, seeing as they are my girls' birthday months. There's parties and presents galore to organise.... and this year we've had a Holy Communion and Ballet Show thrown in the mix right at this time too! Plus of course I am now a working mum again (part-time, ahem) so time is tight all round sadly.

That said, I just wanted to quickly drop by and tell you all about how lucky we were last week. We were super excited to receive an invite to the Moshi Monsters 5th Birthday Party at their snazzy new HQ in London.

OK, so it meant a late afternoon train and tube trip into the big city on a Thursday after school (when Tamsin should really have been rehearsing for the aforementioned ballet show, sorry teachers!), and a late evening to bed, right in the middle of Holy Communion preparations, but we knew we couldn't turn this opportunity down.

So off we toddled with our invite, with plans to meet Daddy in town, and the girls were as good as gold for mummy all the way there.

Moshi HQ was host to a busy, exciting and at the same time very laid back party. Perfect for the children. We started off with amazing face painting, moved on to cupcake eating and milkshake drinking and followed up with playing with some micro Moshis and the new playsets. We grabbed Moshi balloons, hung out in the tree house room with Moshi beanbags to lounge on and had a quick interlude for meeting the larger than life Poppet and Katsuma dancing to the DJ. Tamsin then found the swirly slide (yes, really, in an office!), which goes down a floor to where the giant ball pit is - we almost lost the girls in there! Next we went back for some Moshi tattoos followed by more mini hot dogs which seemed to be constantly circling the room along with some other great snacks, and then we tried out the dark room to show off the UV face paint in its best light (or dark...). In there was an air hockey game, which Sasha would LOVE to have at home, so it would have been rude not to... Next we helped colour in the Moshi wall and signed the outline of a number 5, popped into a Moshi photo booth then watched the artists do quick-fire sketches of all the Moshlings. Finally we gazed at the fabulous 5th Birthday cake and raided the pick and mix sweetie table which had been laid on for all - oh and we picked up a box of popcorn for the trip home!

I'd forgive you for thinking I was crazy, taking our autistic girl along to such an event. I just want to highlight what a huge success this all was for us. On another day, in a different mood, it could have ended so differently. But this time we were lucky, and thrilled!

In a busy, bustling environment which was assaulting all of our senses, Sasha managed to remain calm and enjoy herself. She did ask to leave 3 or 4 times, but unusually we managed to quickly persuade her to stay each time. Her biggest achievement was waiting over 20 minutes towards the end of the party in a non-existent line (i.e. a group where other children constantly tried to push in - boy, did I have to be on my toes there!) for Miss Ballooniverse. Sasha REALLY wanted that balloon. She nearly gave up a couple of times, but amazingly persevered - there's not much that she ever wants that much! Miss Ballooniverse (see her Facebook page here) was indeed very talented, and both girls were delighted with their creations which we managed to get home in one piece without popping, yay!

So a huge thanks to Moshi Monsters and @SeventySeven for the party invite but also for creating a fab brand and products that my girls love.

Colour Splasherz Carry Case product review

Over Easter we were lucky enough to receive a new product for both girls to try out - the Colour Splasherz Carry Case.

I'm not quite sure you can tell instantly from the name what it is, but the packaging certainly made it look exciting and both girls were keen to have a go. 

The case consists of several beads and 2 main pendant 'stones' which fit neatly into a holder/setting. This setting can then be threaded onto cord (which has a safety catch) to make a necklace. The beads can either be added to this or put onto separate cord to make a bracelet.

The exciting part of the product is the fact that you can make different designs on the beads and pendant stones by dipping them in water. The case itself opens up into two halves and has a fancy tray insert which can be used for placing the beads on. You then fill one side with very warm but not boiling)water and the other with freezing cold (note the ice cubes, they definitely helped), and lower the beads in. Or else just use your fingers to dip, which is mostly what my girls ended up doing!

The girls had great fun with this and spent a good long time dipping and changing the colours for different effects. They were then happy to show off their finished products:

This retails for around £12.99 and I'd say this is a great gift for the 5-8 age range. One thing to be aware of though, is that the patterns will disappear overnight and the beads return to their original colour... fortunately our youngest hasn't realised that yet! And as our older girl said, it means you can start having the fun all over again!

Disclosure: 
We were sent the above toy for the purpose of this review, but have not received payment. All the views expressed here are our own.

 

Reasons To Be Cheerful, April, Week 15 #R2BC

There's a lovely Blog Hop that has been going for some time, started by the lovely Mich at Mummy From The Heart entitled 'Reasons To Be Cheerful'. I've always wanted to take part, as I can always think of at least one thing to be cheerful about, but I never quite manage to find the time to type. However, I persuaded myself that there's no time like the present...

My reasons for being cheerful this particular week are all to do with the fact that we've enjoyed 2 weeks of lovely Easter holidays. I did have to go to work myself, which is not ideal, but I can be cheerful about that as it's only a bit of part-time work, and it's good work!

My lovely parents were supposed to be visiting us for Easter, but at the last minute my mum got a call to say they were ready to do an operation on her chronic sinusitis, and she's been waiting 6 months for that. So whilst I was of course sad that my parents couldn't come after all, I was on the other hand happy that my mum would hopefully get much better soon.

The unexpected lack of childcare (alongside the pleasant company) whilst still having work to go to did mean some pretty impromptu juggling of events, but I can be cheerful about that as a) I have lovely friends who helped out, and b) Sasha went to stay and play at someone's house that she's never stayed in before, and she behaved impeccably! We also had a couple of playdates with new friends at our house, and it was lovely for me to be able to catch up with these new but as-if-I've-always-known-them friends. 
  
Right in the middle of the holidays I was able to enjoy a special treat with our eldest girl... a trip to the O2 to see One Direction *squeals!!!*. Obviously this was all for her benefit and nothing to do with my long standing love of boy bands, ahem.... thought I'd throw in a couple of action pics for you to smile over:

After that excitement, as arranged, the girls went up to stay with their paternal grandparents for a few days, so that I could go to work in the second week of the holidays. Whilst I didn't really want them to go as I knew I'd miss them so much, it did mean that I was able to get on with some very important paperwork in the peace at home after work (along with all the usual laundry, ironing etc). So I can be cheerful that the pile isn't quite as big as it was before...
 
On their return, I had my biggest reason to be cheerful of late - I'd also managed to use the peace and quiet to get some internet shopping done (only for the girls, of course!) and so when Sasha had settled back in, I was able to present her with several pairs of shoes in different styles and sizes. I managed to catch her at a good time, and she tried them all on quite happily in one go with no fuss, and we managed to agree on a pair of pumps, a pair of sandals and a pair of party shoes! So summer is all sorted as far as Sasha and feet go, which is a weight off my mind.

Finally, today has been 'glorious' (my mum's favourite word) down South and we've actually been able to make it to the park WITHOUT coats! It's a miracle! Definitely another reason to be cheerful. Come on, join in if you can!

This is a blog hop:

Undiagnosed Children's Awareness Day.

Today is Undiagnosed Children's Awareness Day. These children are sometimes referred to as SWANs - Syndrome Without A Name. There's a brilliant website which I'd love you all to take a look at - www.undiagnosed.org.uk.

Did you know that it is actually quite common to have an undiagnosed genetic condition? Had you ever even realised that there might be families out there struggling, because no-one has ever been able to give them a name for the condition/illness/characteristics their child has?

I have to admit, I had no idea. Just as I knew nothing about autism four years ago, as little as two years ago I had never given a thought to what other parents without a diagnosis might be going through.

Back when Sasha was first diagnosed at the age of 2 and a half, we didn't have to spend a long time in limbo, wondering what it was that made her speech not develop. It probably took just six months from us referring her for speech to receiving her diagnosis of autism, and in those months life just carried on as 'normal'. We weren't tearing our hair out, we were just learning how to build a happy family life at home. The diagnosis came as a surprise, but in a strange way also a relief, as it gave a reason for some of the difficulties I was facing which I hadn't had with our first-born girl.

In the year or so after diagnosis I'd heard from many other autism parents who were still struggling to get a diagnosis - they knew what their child was like, but the professionals were not keen on putting pen to paper and actually admitting it. I went back and thanked our paediatrician from the bottom of my heart for her quick and professional judgement. Conversely, during that time I also heard from parents who had seen professionals about their child, but who were not at all keen on the idea of giving their child a 'label' - after all, what would a 'label' do except single that child out as being different from all the others?

The 'label' helped me enormously. It helped me understand different parts of Sasha's character that I hadn't even really been seeing, it helped me know how to help Sasha and how to teach others to help her, and most importantly, in a very short space of time it helped me come to terms with how and who Sasha 'is'. It has also enabled me to tick boxes and fill in forms easily, because autism is of course a recognised condition. We all crave and expect answers constantly in our lives so we know what to do to keep moving forward - no-one likes to be blindfolded (literally and metaphorically) and told to get on with it, right?

Imagine then, if you could see there was something different about your child, if others could see that too, but nobody could actually tell you what 'that' was, or what they could do about it, because they just didn't know? Those professionals are meant to know everything, right?

Well, sadly they don't. Some families they just can't help in that way.

Through blogging I have met and made an inspirational new friend. She has three children, and her youngest boy is what she describes as 'medically complex'. She has to carry on with the 'not knowing' day after day. She is truly amazing and her writing is out of this world - I challenge you to go over and read her blog and not to leave with tears pricking your eyes. Not in pity, but in pure emotion at her honesty and her take on the world, after what she has had to experience, and what she has to go through every day. Try The-difference-between-you-and-me or Undiagnosed-childrens-awareness-day-2013 or The-unfixable. Or maybe all of them. 

And what do I want from this? I'd just like more people to think more about others and how they can help. Those 'others' may be in the street next to yours and you don't even realise it. It may not be physical help they need, it may just be emotional support. Or maybe, just a little more understanding from the world around them.

Statement of Educational Needs and Free Schools.

Recently we have received Sasha's amended Statement of Special Education Needs following our recent statement review. I think I've mentioned before that the statement is very wordy, and states things like 'small group work' for Sasha, but she doesn't actually get additional support in the form of a full time permanent extra assistant in school. We have been extremely lucky with our Infant school, and they have been very flexible, helpful, and understanding as far as Sasha is concerned. In some ways though, her path has been slightly eased by the fact that all the children around her are also so young still and therefore show a wide range in ability and behaviour. The move to Juniors will involve several new challenges for all of us, but we also feel confident that the school will work with us and do their best to help Sasha.

We have always felt the Statement was at best our passport to choice of secondary school for Sasha (by law you are allowed to state the school which you feel will best suit your SEN child's needs, although you may end up going to court/tribunal with the council if they don't agree). However it has now become clear to me that the statement doesn't actually help a right lot as far as schooling goes, if there is indeed no suitable school to send her to. I have no desire to be sending Sasha out of this county to a school, especially when her sister will be local - I think most parents would much rather their child was in a school nearby. That's probably why a lot of children with autism end up being home schooled - but that's a whole other topic.

With our statement we received the schools information. This includes a sheet showing the special schools - a choice between learning difficulties, moderate learning difficulties, emotional and behavioural difficulties, hearing impairment and physical impairment; 25 in the whole county. There's also a single sheet showing mainstream 'units' or 'bases'. Seven of these are primary only (none in our town, funnily enough), 3 are for hearing impaired, one for physical impairment, 12 for speech and language, 4 for specific learning difficulty and one for visual impairment. Then we also get a 16 page list (double-sided) of all mainstream schools in the county. This irks me somewhat, as I see it as a massive waste of tree - there's not actually any chance at all that I would send my SEN girl to an average mainstream in say, Bishops Stortford, or Borehamwood, so why do I need that door wedge?!

None of these schools are likely to suit Sasha - she does not have a learning disability, she is not physically, hearing or visually impaired, her speech and language has pretty much caught up to her peers and is in any case not her main issue, and she is most definitely not your average, mainstream child. 

It's probably the sheer increase in numbers at mainstream secondary schools which would cause Sasha the greatest problem - the noise, the confusion, the managing different timetables and different teachers every day, the lack of individual help. These are all issues which the average child may also struggle with, but the majority of them can cope with it, even if they don't enjoy it. For Sasha everything is an extreme. We could consider trying to place her with a full time Teaching assistant, but in reality this seems to single special needs children out even more as being 'different', leading to more bullying and less integration.

The alternative could be to consider paying privately for education, as class sizes there are guaranteed to be smaller. However I'm not confident this would be an option for Sasha - sadly her special needs are seen as just that - needs. She would be considered a drain on resources (which she would need if she were to hit the high academic targets that these schools are held to), and most likely not welcomed by those parents who are paying the high price for their own child's education.

So for me, it appears that a specialist school, where people will actually understand and care for Sasha, is the only option. There is no such school in this county currently. Therefore, I am 100% behind the opening of a new free school in this area and will do everything I can to help regardless of whether it turns out to be the best option for Sasha or not. Other parents deserve it too - and there are plenty out there who do not have the energy to fight. I'll do it because it's right for parents to have the option to provide the best and most suitable education for their children.